


Identity Crisis

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-10
Updated: 2006-03-10
Packaged: 2019-02-02 12:15:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12726432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Jack is looking after a sick Daniel and overhears something that rocks his world.





	Identity Crisis

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

  
Author's notes: Thanks to my Beta, Gateroller  


* * *

Jack lay comfortably watching Daniel sleep quietly beside him. This was the first night since Doc Fraiser had released him from the infirmary four days ago that Daniel had managed to sleep the night through. It was no wonder that Doc Fraiser had been reluctant to release him from the infirmary but Daniel had been so desperate that both he and Jack had begged and promised her the moon if only she would discharge him under the tender care of his friend. Privately Janet knew of the intimate relationship of the two men and she knew that Jack would take good care of Daniel while he recuperated from the particularly vicious virus he'd picked up on their last mission.

Watching him now, Jack was relieved that Daniel was finally getting better because even though he didn't mind looking after him, in fact Jack loved the opportunity to spoil his lover, he did miss the interaction of his firing-on-all-cylinders pissy archaeologist. There just wasn't anything sexier.

Just as he was recalling other mornings when he'd have wakened Daniel with a kiss, the young man murmured something in his sleep. Daniel frowned and tightened his grip on Jack's waist making the older man smile, guessing he was dreaming of the two of them together especially when Daniel turned slightly and threw his leg over Jack's thigh.

"Mmm, that's it.....mm.....love you...yes...."

Jack slid down slightly and pulled Daniel closer, wanting to participate, even if only vicariously, in Daniel's dream.

"...oh yes...there ...love you...oh, Sha're...mmm..."

The words slammed into Jack's chest with the force of a blow and he gasped.

He stared down at the sleeping man who was holding onto him as if he never wanted to let go and Jack wished it were true but now he feared it was someone else Daniel never wanted to let go.

* * *

Daniel had turned to him in deep distress after he'd had to deliver Sha're of Apophis' baby. Daniel had needed his best friend to help him face the grief and guilt. Yes, Daniel had felt guilt for his immediate reaction on seeing a very pregnant Sha're and even though he had told Sha're that he still loved her and didn't hold her responsible for what had happened to her as a prisoner of Amaunet, he admitted to Jack that the idea of his wife lying with Apophis filled him with a fierce anger. Jack had spent many hours trying to help Daniel come to terms with the tragedy of his life.

He had also spent many hours keeping in check his own growing feelings for his friend. He'd known for a while that the love he felt for Daniel had grown beyond that of a friend into something so much more and he'd only been coming to terms with his own sexuality when he had to sublimate it to help Daniel.

So that night a little over two months ago when Daniel had admitted to Jack that he no longer needed his help to face his feelings for Sha're, Jack had been both relieved and saddened. Relieved that at last Daniel had finally accepted that his confused feelings were natural and saddened that his friend wouldn't need him as much, a need that had become essential to Jack. So Jack had plastered a smile on his face for Daniel's benefit, a smile that froze when Daniel told him that he would always care for Sha're but he'd come to realise that he had found someone who meant more to him than his wife.

Jack had collapsed on the chair behind him, stunned. It wasn't enough to that he'd never had a chance with Daniel because of Sha're, there was now someone else, someone new.

"But who...how...I don't understand. Daniel you ..." Jack floundered.

Daniel smiled. "No you don't understand, do you?"

Jack frowned looking closely at Daniel and saw for the first time how happy and relaxed he seemed. "Daniel?"

"You've been so wonderfully kind to me, listened and helped and listened some more. You are the best friend I've ever had and I know you love me..."

Jack head had snapped up at that. _How did he know? Oh God, did he ...?_

Daniel was still talking, "...and I'm trusting that you care enough for me that I can tell you this and you won't ...react badly. This is not easy for me to say but I have to, falling in love just isn't something I do and I'm not about to deny it when it happens."

Jack was confused by what Daniel was trying to tell him but he had to assure him that whatever it was, whoever he had fallen for, he would support him. "It's all right, Daniel, you can tell me anything; I'll always be there for you."

Daniel sighed and smiled. "Thank you, I needed that." He took a breath, "I've fallen in love with you, Jack. You don't have to say or do anything, I just needed for you to know and if you say so, I'll never mention it again."

Jack sat in his chair, unable to move, mouth slightly open in shock. Daniel nodded, gave a small smile as he got to his feet.

"It's all right Jack, I know I've thrown you for a loop. I'll go now and just pray I've not ruined anything between us cause that's the last thing I want."

He almost reached the door before Jack's strangled voice called him back, "Daniel, don't go, please."

Daniel turned to find Jack only a couple of paces behind him.

"You took me by surprise; Daniel... took my breath away. You've not ruined anything; I just can't believe what you said. You love _me_?"

Daniel shrugged, "Yes, I'm sorry. I can't help it, you've been special to me for so long and it took me a while to realise that what I felt for you was way more than just friendship."

"Oh, God, don't be sorry. You don't understand. Are you sure? I mean, Sha're?"

Daniel frowned, confused by Jack's reaction. "Am I sure that I'm in love with you? Oh yes, I'm sure. Do I love Sha're? Yes, in a way but I realise now it was ...I convinced myself it was the real thing because it was what I wanted but now you see I know the difference." He suddenly realised that Jack was staring at him, hunger in his eyes and for the first time a possible reason for Jack's reaction occurred to Daniel. "Jack?" he asked, hope in his voice.

Absently brushing a hand through his hair, Jack said, "I can hardly believe this. I've spent the last year quashing my feelings for you, not even daring to dream I had a chance because you were in love in Sha're and now..." he closed the gap between them in two swift strides and gathered Daniel in his arms pulling the younger man close to his chest and just holding him. He sighed and whispered in Daniel's ear, "I love you, oh my God, if only you knew how much I love you."

Daniel's head was spinning and he held onto Jack like a drowning man. He'd come here to confess a secret not expecting any response other than surprise, desperately hoping for nothing worse. To discover that Jack felt the same was so overwhelming that for once in his life he was speechless.

Jack pulled back and stared into Daniel's eyes and then, as if drawn together by some invisible force, their lips met in an electric kiss.

* * *

Remembering that first night and the wonderful night of bliss they had spent in each other's arms seemed painful now as he watched the man he loved more than life dreaming about another. Okay it was Daniel's wife, the woman Jack guiltily remembered having promised to bring back to him but Jack had truly believed Daniel when he said he loved Jack more than Sha're. Perhaps he had been a fool, he had wondered occasionally if Daniel was simply reaching out to the only other person in his life who cared for him, too afraid of the loneliness stretching ahead as it looked more and more impossible to get Sha're back. Now it seemed his fears had been correct.

Jack suddenly had to get out of the bed; he couldn't stand to hear Daniel murmuring of love to someone else.

Sliding carefully from underneath Daniel's arm and leg, Jack got out of bed and with a lingering look at the love of his life he quickly moved to the bathroom where he sloshed cold water over his face. Supporting himself with stiff arms on the washbasin he dropped his head, closing his eyes against the sudden vision of Daniel being kissed so possessively by the beautiful Sha're that day - a lifetime ago - on Abydos. She had been staking her claim and he'd wondered a few times since if, in some intuitive way, she knew of Jack's latent interest in her Daniel.

Her Daniel, yes even now almost two years since that day and he was still hers and dammit but there was just no way he could be with Daniel when he still really wanted Sha're. Jack had him for two short months and the memory of that precious time would have to last him a lifetime. He could still taste him, smell him, God he could still feel him on his skin, inside his body, even though it had been three weeks since they had last made love. How could he go on and never have that again? Salty tears joined the cold water dripping off his face and hair.

"Jack?" Daniel's sleepy voice from the open doorway shocked Jack into swinging round and when Daniel saw him, he frowned. "Jack, what's wrong?"

"Err, nothing, I couldn't sleep that's all."

"Why don't I believe you?" Daniel asked in a quiet voice.

"How do I know!" Jack snapped, immediately feeling guilty. "Sorry, just ...just sorry, okay?"

"It will be if you tell me what's wrong."

"Just a dream, bit disturbing that's all." At least that was the truth.

"Come back to bed, hold me, that'll make you feel better," Daniel smiled.

Jack's heart contracted, there was nothing he would like better but he said, "Thanks, Danny but not this time. You go back to sleep. I'm gonna go and make an early breakfast."

"It's not gonna work, Jack. I know you too well. Something is wrong and everything was fine last night when we went to bed and if you'd had a dream bad enough to bother you I'd know about it. I ask again, what's wrong?"

Jack closed his eyes for a second; he should've known he couldn't get anything past Daniel.

"I...I don't think it's a good time, you're still recovering," Jack tried to prevaricate.

"If it's that bad you have to tell me. Jack, please you're really worrying me."

Defeated, Jack said, "Okay, back to bed and I'll tell you."

Daniel frowned at the lost tone in Jack's voice. _What the hell could be this bad?_ He settled back in bed, feeling physically better than he had in over two weeks but inside he was nervous, there was something really wrong with Jack. Even though he'd insisted Jack talk to him he was suddenly afraid of what the older man might have to say. His fear wasn't assuaged when Jack lay next to him - on top of the covers.

Jack leaned back against the headboard, not looking at Daniel. He couldn't look at him and say what he had to.

"I understand what's happening, I suppose I always feared this day would come. I hoped ...I knew you would never lie to me but I do understand how it happened. You needed someone and I was there and you ...convinced yourself."

"Jack, what the hell are you talking about?" interrupted Daniel, looking at Jack's profile as he stared resolutely ahead. The fact that Jack wouldn't look at him was very telling.

Jack sighed and said, "You had a dream. About Sha're. You...she. You wanted Sha're not me, you love Sha're. I understand, really. You can..."

Daniel sagged with relief. "Jack, stop. Look at me."

Jack stopped speaking but it was a long few seconds before he turned to look at Daniel. He attempted a smile, but it failed badly.

"I did have a dream about Sha're and it was quite beautiful and erotic," Daniel explained and Jack dropped his eyes at the words. Daniel reached out a finger and lifted Jack's chin to look into his eyes. Holding his gaze he continued, "I remember it very well, I should, I've had it quite a few times over the last couple of years. It was a rather more erotic version of my first time with Sha're. We sorta fumbled our way through that in reality but in my dreams it was much more ...just much more. I think it was just my subconscious coping with her loss.

"This was the first time I've had it since we got together and I can't tell you why I had it tonight, maybe because I've been ill, I honestly don't know. But, Jack, it doesn't really matter. I mean I won't deny that I carry this guilt around with me about Sha're but it doesn't change a thing between us. I...love... _you_. I only want _you_." He pulled Jack towards him and kissed him gently on the lips.

Jack felt the lump inside his chest fade away and he felt able to breathe again. He sighed as Daniel released his mouth and they touched foreheads, their eyes meeting.

"I'm sorry you feel guilty for falling in love with me but you shouldn't you know. We don't control our emotions they control us. I ...over-reacted to what I thought I overheard because my feelings about you are the most important thing in my life but I still have no control over them. I love you so much and I don't know what I'd do without you now but this has made me realise that we have to face up to the fact that we may one day get Sha're back."

"I know and it's something we haven't talked about, 'cause I'm afraid I guess."

"Of having to choose?" Jack asked in a soft voice.

"No, of having to tell Sha're I'm in love with someone else."

"Oh, Danny," Jack said gently.

Suddenly Daniel coughed and Jack supported him until the spasm passed, relieved it hadn't been one of the bad ones. Looking at the bedside clock Jack noted it was time for his medication.

"Damn this really wasn't a good time to put all this on you," he commented.

"Never be a good time," Daniel sighed, taking the tablets and the glass of water from Jack and quickly swallowing them. With a grin, he asked, "D'you really want breakfast or d'you wanna get back in here with me."

Jack grinned and got back under the covers with alacrity. Daniel squirmed a little to get comfortable as he leaned against Jack.

"I ...er, I was remembering our first night together and what I thought had been our last. D'you remember, the night before the last mission?" asked Jack, with a grin.

"Oh yeah, three long weeks ago, never thought I'd have to wait so long to do that again! I love driving you crazy."

"You did that all right, knew you had a talented tongue, Dr Jackson, just not _how_ talented. You got a talented cock too, nailed my happy button every damn time."

"Damn it, Jack, thought we agreed not to talk about sex when I can't do anything about it yet," Daniel moaned.

"Oh, I don't know, I felt a distinct _interest_ brush my thigh just then. Seems to be _perking_ up somewhat."

Daniel burst into laughter. "Think you got a point there. I am feeling a lot better this morning, y'know."

"The Doc did say about another week when she discharged you, which leaves another three days."

"Yeah."

"Of course, they do say that a patient's attitude has a lot to do with their recovery," Jack said with a raised eyebrow.

"True."

"So, if you feel ...happy then you should get better quicker, right?"

"I guess."

"Sweet!" Jack said, ducking under the covers.

"What are you.....Jack ....Jaaaaack!"

FIN


End file.
